What I Need.
As I meditate on what we need most to curate a deliciously joyful life, I’ve come to understand that the single greatest force we can equip ourselves with is love. Not just any love, but a love that begins within—a transformative journey of self-discovery and care. In her groundbreaking book All About Love, Bell Hooks beautifully defines true love as requiring “care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, and honest and open communication.” I don’t know about you, but this resonates deeply with me—thank you, Bell Hooks, for these profound ingredients for love.
What makes this definition even more remarkable is how closely it aligns with the Bible’s explanation of love in 1 Corinthians 13. The chapter poetically describes love as patient and kind, free from envy, arrogance, and selfishness, and always seeking truth. These qualities mirror the care, respect, trust, and honesty Hooks identifies as essential to true love. Whether we look to scripture or Hooks’ modern lens on love, the message is the same: love is an intentional act of giving, rooted in compassion and understanding. Inspired by these timeless principles, I’ve chosen to embrace both perspectives as my guide to cultivating self-love—a foundation that empowers me to love others authentically and abundantly.
To truly understand the transformative power of love, it’s essential to reflect on each of the ingredients that Bell Hooks outlines: care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, and honest and open communication. These are not just abstract ideals but actionable principles that can guide how we interact with ourselves and with others.
Care is the cornerstone of love and begins with self-care—taking time to nurture your mind, body, and spirit—and extends outward to those around you. A society rooted in care fosters an environment where everyone feels valued and supported. Imagine a world where our actions consistently reflect the intention to uplift one another.
Affection reminds us of the importance of expressing warmth and tenderness. Whether through kind words, thoughtful gestures, or simple acts of presence, affection bridges the gap between individuals, building relationships that make life more meaningful.
Recognition is about seeing and acknowledging the humanity in ourselves and others. It’s the antidote to the invisibility so many people feel in a world that often overlooks them. When we truly see one another, we honor each person’s unique value and contribution to the collective.
Respect serves as the foundation for healthy relationships. Without it, trust and open communication crumble. Respect teaches us to value differences, hold space for other perspectives, and treat others as we wish to be treated.
Commitment asks us to dedicate ourselves to love—not as a fleeting emotion but as a daily practice. Commitment keeps us steady when challenges arise, encouraging us to choose love even when it feels difficult.
Trust allows us to feel safe, both with ourselves and in relationships. Building trust requires consistency, honesty, and vulnerability. It’s the glue that holds the other ingredients together.
Finally, honest and open communication is the lifeline of love. It ensures that misunderstandings don’t fester and that relationships remain strong and transparent. Honest conversations, rooted in compassion, have the power to heal wounds and deepen connections.
When we reflect on these qualities, it becomes clear that love is not passive—it’s an active, ethical choice. What would happen if we adopted love as a guiding principle, not just in our personal lives but as a society? Imagine a world where every decision—whether in politics, education, or business—was filtered through the lens of love.
Such a shift would create a society that feels more expansive and inclusive, offering everyone the opportunity to experience a peaceful and heavenly existence. Love challenges the scarcity mindset that pits us against one another and instead opens the door to abundance. By grounding our actions in care, respect, and compassion, we would foster a world where differences are celebrated, conflicts are resolved with understanding, and humanity as a whole flourishes.
It starts with each of us. By embodying love in our daily lives, we contribute to a ripple effect that has the potential to transform the world. As the Bible reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13, “the greatest of these is love.” Let us choose love—not just as an emotion but as an ethical principle to guide our lives and shape the world around us.
Now that we’ve explored the transformative power of love, I’d love to hear from you. How do you practice love in your daily life? Which of these ingredients—care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, or honest communication—resonates most with you?
I invite you to reflect on how adopting love as an ethical principle could create more peace and joy in your life and our world. Share your thoughts, experiences, or even small acts of love that inspire you in the comments below.
Let’s start a conversation about how we can each contribute to a more loving and expansive world. Together, we can create ripples of change that begin within us and extend to those around us. I can’t wait to hear your perspective! 💖
Broken!
❤️I grew up with a mom whose love for me was immense. She gave me all she had to give but some how I still did not feel lovable. There was a sadness that I carried like a backpack full of books that I didn’t want to read and yet I couldn’t put it down, or at least I didn’t know that I could at the time.
I traveled through my experiences trying to look like I had it all together, not wanting others to see that I was broken. I mean I must have been broken if my own father didn’t love me. Yes mom was there but my dad, not so much, and it stung. I longed for my dad but he’d left my mom for a much younger model, (a whole other story). I remember questioning why I wasn’t good enough for him to love. Years later I realized that his inability to be the father I needed had nothing to do with me. By then I had created a life that didn’t allow space for me to receive the love I deserved. I accepted behavior from others that was the antithesis of love, in that they were not displaying the ingredients stated above.
I understand now that many people unconsciously recreate their childhood traumas (trauma reenactment), where they continue to enter into unhealthy, relationships, until they learn that they deserve better. That is my goal with this blog, to shine a light on the fact that everyone deserves love, and that someone else being incapable of expressing it is not your fault. I also want to help others discover their own inner love so they are not desperately seeking it form outside sources. .
Was it Just Me?
I became an inauthentic version of myself, a people-pleasing, overly agreeable, nicety-nice persona that wasn’t truly me. Kind? Yes. Generous? Absolutely. But nice? Not in the way I had forced myself to be. It took years, and some therapy, to recognize what I was doing. I was molding myself into whatever I thought others needed me to be, believing that if I played the role well enough, I would finally be liked. Eventually, I hoped, I would be loved.
I was awkward, constantly scanning people, trying to decipher what they wanted from me, what I should say, how I should act, who I should be, just so they would accept me. It never even occurred to me to ask if I liked them. I had convinced myself that everyone else was confidently thriving, moving through life unbothered by insecurity, while I stood on the outside, fumbling through my self-doubt.
Then, everything shifted. I watched someone I had placed on a pedestal, a person I thought was perfect, make a massive mistake. And in that moment, I saw things differently. I began to look more closely at the people around me, and I realized something life-changing: almost no one had it all figured out. I wasn’t nearly as flawed as I had believed. More importantly, I finally understood that most people were just trying to navigate life the best way they knew how, just like me.
That’s where care comes in. I had to care enough about myself to stop outsourcing my worth to others. I had to do the inner work to become the person I wanted and needed to be, not for the approval of others, but to create a life that felt genuinely beautiful—one that was truly mine.
Proceed With Caution
When we truly love ourselves—when we care enough about how we feel—we become intentional about the people we allow into our lives. That includes being mindful, even with family. We can love them, absolutely, but that doesn’t mean we should give them power over our emotional well-being.
This is why setting boundaries becomes essential. We begin to understand that our time and energy are precious, and we want to spend as much of it as possible in a state of peace, joy, and fulfillment.
However, setting boundaries—especially in the beginning—can be challenging. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that prioritizing others, even at our own expense, is a sign of good character. And while there are certainly moments when selflessness is noble, there are also times when constantly putting others first is to our own detriment.
Take, for example, stay-at-home moms. They dedicate themselves to raising children and managing the home, yet many experience burnout and even health issues because they take on too much. Too often, they shield their spouse from the emotional and mental load of parenting, in addition to the physical demands of running a household. While their partner has a defined end to their workday, their job doesn’t stop until they collapse into bed at night.
This is why clear expectations and shared responsibilities are crucial. Establishing which tasks are individual and which should be shared benefits the entire family and should ideally be discussed from the start. We’ve all heard the saying, “Teamwork makes the dream work,” but that dream should work for everyone.
However, when roles aren’t clearly defined, it falls on the mom to advocate for herself—to recognize what she can handle and where she needs support. Setting a boundary only works when it is enforced. If a couple agrees on shared responsibilities but the mom allows her partner to consistently opt out, he may assume she doesn’t truly need his help. Over time, this can lead to a dynamic where she feels undervalued and exhausted, while he remains unaware of the imbalance.
There is nothing about being a doormat that leaves anyone feeling good. Boundaries are not about controlling others—they are about honoring ourselves. When we uphold them, we create space for the love, respect, and support we truly deserve.
Feeling Good
When we feel good, we emit good energy and that energy comes back to us in all kinds of delightful ways. Of course life inherently presents us with challenges that can dampen our mood and it can be easy to stay down, but with awareness and care there are activities that we can take part in that can put the pep back in our step.
Let use the stay at home mom again as an example. After a trying day of tantrums, and unexpected messes, she can plan time for a relaxing candle lit bath filled with bubbles, and soft music to brighten her mood.
When we love ourselves, we pay attention to how we feel about the places that we spend our time. Everything from our places of employment, to where we live. If it doesn’t feel good, we should know that it is possible to devise a plan it feel better or seek out new environments, that help us thrive.
When we really love ourselves, we pay attention to the way certain foods make us feel; of course there are some foods that nourish us and provide us with energy and a lightness, where other foods might taste good in the moment but leave us feeling drained. When we love ourselves enough to care about how we feel, we no longer allow things, people or even our own thoughts to deplete us. Have a negative thought, dump it immediately and replace it with a positive one. When we love ourselves enough to pay attention to how we feel then everything else that we need and even want will find its way to us, we will create it by living loving lives that emanate joy which will bring more joy right back to us.💞
To Love Oneself is the beginning of a Lifelong Romance
Peter McWilliams
Have you ever wanted something so much that you could almost taste it, touch it, etc; it seemed so close but it was still just out of your reach, there was some part of you that believed it was possible but then someone who trusted a bit more than you, prayed for you, with you and then somehow, out of nowhere that thing appeared? How, why and from where did the thing come?
Stunning Love 